Bubbles Enough Said
by apocolypzeCHKN
Summary: The story of a desert dwelling goldfish on his journey to become an adult film star with the help of Ardeth Bey
1. The Adventure Begins

Hey all this is my first story, hope you laugh and enjoy it! Don't read if you are sensitive to adult content!!!! (I do not own Ardeth Bey-i just gaze from afar- I also dont own Acorn, the scorpian king, Yogurt, Elvis or Graceland, or any other characters you may recognize. Bubbles, Amanda, Erin, and others are mine-you cant take them away!!!) You may need to know: The Mummy/Returns The 10th Kingdom Monty Python and the Holy Grail and my general hate for Freddie Prinze Jr -ask if you have questions!  
  
The hot never-ending desert was not the best place for a gold fish, but despite the heat and lack of water that's where Bubbles lived and had done so for nearly five years. He didn't mind any of the obvious setbacks of being a goldfish in the desert, but Bubbles fear the desert raiders and their love of fish filet. It was one of those hot, mirage-inducing mornings that Bubbles was discovered by group of desert men all dressed in black. The men had been wandering for three days when they came across the pond where Bubbles lived. As the leader bent over to check the water for contamination, he spotted Bubbles who had took to playing dead. "Yum, fish filet!" he thought hungrily while trying to shield his find from the others. "Its been a while since I've had fish!"  
Just as the leader began to scoop up the fish one of his followers yelled, "Ardeth! Raiders are coming!"  
Quickly Ardeth scooped up Bubbles into his extra water skin. The men had drawn their weapons and waited for the attack when they found that the group was only a search party from the first Medjai tribe. The two groups met and left for their camp.  
Later that night, in his luxurary three room super tent Ardeth remembered his fish filet. Bubbles, who was tired of playing dead was carefully exploring the pouch when Ardeth's sexy eyes appeared at the opening of the pouch. Bubbles looked into the surprised eyes of the medjai and raced through his options for the present.  
Ardeth was shocked to find his fishy treat happily swimming about and now stupidly staring at him. He started to think of what to do. The medjai forbade any of its followers to kill any being that was not currently undead and that included goldfish. Ardeth now disappointed, thought of his options and how to make the fish's death look like an accident.  
"Hi." Bubbles began warily, "I'm Bubbles. I know you were looking forward to making me fish filet, but please I don't want to be cooked alive!"  
"I hadn't thought of that yet, maybe that would work. it would be hard to hang a fish."  
"Wait! I have a career and a family. I know a. a magic fish! He could get you all the fish filets you could ever dream of!"  
"I dream pretty big! And career? What career? You're a filet! You better not tell me you're a fry cook."  
"No, of course not! I don't exactly have a career yet, but I'm working to be a porn star."  
"Porn? Which is.?" Ardeth asked confused-like. Bubbles sputtered, unsure of what to tell the sexy sheltered medjai.  
"Well if you don't eat me , I'll tell you on the way to the city."  
"I have to take you to the city?. No filet? I think not!"  
"You'll like it! I promise! I'll even help you find another filet."  
Ardeth was curious enough to ask the tribe wiseman, who also had no concept of the word porn. Still undecided Ardeth returned to his tent and took a nap. While dreaming Ardeth was isited by the Scorpian King, an Egyptian mythical leader who had formed an alliance with the god Anubis then (reference to the movie). The Scorpian King told Ardeth that he waas to take Bubbles to the city, it was his destiny to bring porn to the nomad medjai. The mythical leaser left and Ardeth awakened and went to retrieve Bubbles from the hiding place he had left him.  
"Fine. I'll take you, but no fishy business!"  
"I could kiss you!, but well I don't have lips. Why did you change your mind?"  
"I was visited by the Scorpian King, it was revealed that I was to bring this porn you speak of to the medjai. I must accompany you to find an old friend of mine. You still must tell me what this porn is though!"  
The next day Ardeth and Bubbles set out for their two day ride to the city. Bubbles was fidgety in his water skin at Ardeth's side. He wanted to get out and breathe fresh water.  
"Just wait an oasis is up ahead. We will stay there for tonight." Ardeth said in his sexy mmonotone voice. When they stopped Ardeth let Bubbles swim in the small pond while he set up his bedroll and started a fire. A rdeth was glad no other medjai were escorting them. It would have been to tempting to share a Bubbles filet. He decided to let Bubbles sleep in the pond and then he prepared for bed. Ardeth removed his shirt revealing a very muscular chest and arms, then he laid back and went to sleep not realizing how sexy he is. 


	2. Finding Help

I forgot that i also dont own George (tear)...I know the first part was boring but stick with it... will get better!!!  
  
Morning came and Ardethand Bubbles continued theit journey until they reached Cairo in the late afternoon. They wandered on their camel trying to find a small inn called the Baa-Bar. Once they found the right place, Ardeth dismounted, tied his camel to the post and opened the door. Ardeth headed straight for the fireplace where he knew his friend would be. A handsom regal man sat there upon what looked like a throne.  
"George!" Artdeth called to Cairo's King of Theives when he spotted this man. "How's the theiving business?"  
Geoge chuckled, "Great and the mummy fighting business?"  
"Eventful. how's the gang?"  
"We're all good here, tell me what's brought you here?"  
"I've been sent by the gods to accompany Bubbles here," he showed George the water skin,"to accomplish his dream and bring back new knowledge to the mejai people." Bubbles looked up at a handsome man, who would also do well in the porn business.  
"Well hello Bubbles! What dream would you be following?" George asked the small goldfish.  
"I want to be the biggest.o well, the best porn star in the whole industry!" Bublles enthusiastically told George.  
"Well.," George repiled confused, "that's a mighty big dream for such a little fish."  
" I would do anything to fulfill my dream!"  
"I don't think that's a problem in your new line of work" George muttered as he smiled to himself.  
" I don't get it." Ardeth said.  
Ardeth and Bubbles spent much of the night talking with George and then they retired to their rooms only the slightest bit tipsy from their several rounds of drinks. The nest morning the three set out to see if one of George's friends could help Bubbles' plight. They arrived at an alley door where both Ardeth and Bubbles were surprised to find a three inch tall leprechaun standing before them on a barrel holding a fullsize shotgun.  
"Ok, so I few odd friends." George admitted.  
"George!' the leprechaun exclaimed, "what brings you here...after me lucky charms?'  
George sighed, "Not today Acorn, actually I was hoping you could help these friends of mine." George gestured to Ardeth who was holding the water skin up so Bubbles could also see the wee little man.  
"Do they want me lucky charms?'  
"No Acorn, they don't want your lucky charms either." Acorn jumped down from the barrel, leaving the shotgun, and led the trio through a door in the alley into his home, which was furnished with fullsize chairs, tables, and various other pieces. The room was sectioned into four sub- rooms. A kitchen, a sitting room, a den, and a bathroom which was behind a folding screen that depicted Freddie Prinze Jr. constipated on a toilet. The stchen was done in a fifties sdiner look, the sitting room was very formal, the den contained many animal heads left to stare at company through fixed, dead eyes. Acorn directed George and Ardeth to the two formal chairs in the sitting room while he climed up a table leg.  
"So what can I do for ye?" Acorn asked when he had finally scaled the table leg. Bubbles, who had been put in a punch bowl of water and set on the coffee table excitedly splashed around.  
"I need help bocoming a porn star! Can you help? I can do good I swear and I'll work really hard and I'm not so small and I could be in even more exotic movies then there are now.... Yea so please.." George was trying not to laugh at Ardeth who was looking confused.  
"I don't get it." Ardeth admitted. Acorn looked deep in thought as he looked over Bubbles from his perch. Suddenly he leaped from the table and gestured for them to follow him down the hall. George and Ardeth rose from their chairs and started down the hall when,  
"Hey wait guys... you forget me!" Bubbles cried from his punch bowl. Bubbles was fetched and the group once again started down the hall. Many doors adorned the walls and muffled noises could be heard from within hte rooms. George stopped and turned to one of the doors.  
"Wait! Don't touch that!" Acorn shouted. George cracked the door open and laughed uncontrolably.  
"What you need to pretend to have big business? And how many customers would I actually find behind the rest of these doors?" George asked Laughing, but disgusted that Acorn couldn't run a successful business even when there was such a market for the product. "Maybe we should try to find someone else to help us." George said thinking that If Acorn didn't have a running business that he wouldn't have very good employees. "We don't really want to start him into amature stuff." Ardeth pushed George out of the way so he and Bubbles could get a look at what was behind the door.  
"No no no I can help.. no worries. It'll work." Acorn tried to assure George. Ardeth was staring puzzeledly at the brick wall behind the door. "I don't get it."  
As they approached the bright purple door at the end of the hallway Acorn stopped.  
"Wait!" He jumped in front of the door. "You have to prove yourself before entering my sacred realm. You must first bring me ... A SHRUBERY!"  
"Cut the crap Acorn." George said and slid the leprechaun away from the door with his foot. "I knew I shoundn't have let you watch that Monty Python movie." he said as he was opening the purple door. Acorn jumped in front and led the way into the room. Acorn's sacred realm was painted in a warm brick red and furnished with balck couches and overstuffed chairs. The beauyiful wood floor was covered with an antique Persian rug. On their right was another hallway with more doors , but many scantily clad women and men were moving from room to room confirming that there were actual rooms behind the doors. On one of the couches to the groups left,a woman was lounging. She had brown hair and eyes and was wearing a black mini skirt and a green tube top. Her hair was softly curled and she ran a hand through it giving her a sexily tousled look.  
"My business manager," Acorn told his guests. George felt Ardeth stiffen beside him and he smiled.  
  
Does this mean that Ardeth will finally get a chick of his own?? Keep Reading and Review!!!! 


	3. Meeting with the ho

So you know Erin is a friend of mine so you wont know her...REVIEW please!!!!  
  
"Erin! Hello its been a long time. Meet my old friend Ardeth." The woman got up and crossed the distance to meet the sexy medjai. Ardeth suavely took and kissed her hand and sent her a sexy smile showing off his perfectly straight and white teeth.  
"It's a pleasure to meet such a lovely lady." Ardeth focused all his energy into being debonare.  
"The pleasures all mine." Erin replied, melting at the knees for the sex god who was still holding her hand. George knew then that this would turn out to be an interesting adventure. He tried to remember when he had ever seen Ardeth try to get a girl before and no memories came to him. Though he knew that Ardeth had to please the ladies in bed because, well... Ardeth just had the sexiest demeanor. (These previous sentences in no way implies that Ardeth or Oded is ever, was ever, or will ever be gay.)  
"The little guy is looking to get into the porn industry, know anyone who could help him?" George asked breaking the meaningful looks Erin and Ardeth couldn't seem to stop sending each other.  
"Hmmmmm," Erin thought, "Maybe, I don't know how much of a help she'll be though, she may have been kicked out."  
"What do you mean?" George asked warily.  
"Well she had a run in with her pimp when some of his crack went mysteriously missing. I believe that he kicked her ass and let her out of his employ."  
"She has no pimp? Street hos don't get the going rate without representation do they?" George asked knowing from his profession that competition was tough with all of the foreigners coimming to Cairo for Egyptian treasure. George was also surprised that a pimp had actually kicked one of his own to the curb.  
"Well rumor is that she wasn't that good anyway. So tuppence would be a step up anyway."  
"I'd take tuppence!" Bubbles said while swimming excitedly in the punch bowl.  
"Honey," Erin exclaimed while looking Bubbles up and down, "you could get a lot more than that!"  
"I don't get it." Ardeth said in the same sexy monotone. "What is the name of this gutter ho you speak of?" Ardeth tried to just move on instead of wallowing in his sheltered state.  
"Amanda" Erin replied with contempt. "I really must get to work now, I know you'll want to start looking for her. Just say that I sent you... She'll help you... I think."  
Ardeth, George and Bubbles thanked Acorn and Erin and left Acorn's place to reach the slums where Amanda the gutter ho supposedly was now on the stroll.  
It took nearly the whole day to find the crack slut, but when they did it was instantly apparant why she only went for tuppence. Her arms and legs were full of track marks and she was pale and anorexic looking.  
"What?!" the ho demanded when she found them staring at her. All of the other drugged out hos and pimps turned to look because of Amanda's loud remark.  
"We were sent by Erin to see if you could help our filet friend. He wants to join the elite porn work force." Ardeth told her matter of factly since neither George or Bubbles wanted to talk to her, well neither did Ardeth, his mind was still on the sexy Erin he had just met that morning. Amanda the ho thought about what they were asking. As she thought, it took a while, she realized that the man had said that his friend was a fish. She also noted that the same man appeared to ooze sex from just about every pore of his body. Amanda hadn't had the chance to eat fish filet in a long time. Even at McDonald's filet costfive pennies. Amanda hadn't had that much money in at one time. She usually just bought as much crack as she could, which wasn't much, but after getting her ass kicked she that was only once or maybe twice a year if she was lucky. That and Amanda hadn't eaten in a while.  
"Why don't you meet me at the big cliff tomorrow at sunset. I have to talk to a couple of people first." Ardeth agreed, although his sexy medjai sense was picking up that something wasn't going to be quite right. The trio then retired to the Baa-Bar and spent their evening with the bar regulars.  
The next day, a few minutes befor sunset Ardeth, George, and Bubbles in his own bulletproof plastic punchbowl arrived at the cliff where they were to meet Amanda. The ho arrived just as the sun dissapeared onver the horizen.  
"George," she asked the king of theives, "could you give mysterious sexy man and me just a minute alone to complete this business transaction?"  
  
"What transaction?" Ardeth asked when George had moved out of what appeared to be listening distance.  
"Well, I was thinking, you might just want to sell me the fish instead of wasting your time getting a fish into porn... its not likely to happen."  
" I understand you need money, not that you have enough to pay for top quality fish filet." Ardeth answered, making Bubbles nervous fearing for his wellbeing.  
"Well there are other ways to pay than just money... I happen to be very skilled." Ardeth laughed uncomfortably not knowing exactly what this whore was talking about.  
"Well I could use a new camel. Mine already seems to have five thousands miles on it. Its all Rick and Evie's fault I tell you. Usually a good camel can last years for me." George, listening in, tried hard to control his so far silent laughter remembering that Ardeth was rather sheltered from city life. Amanda's only reaction to this was to flair her nostrils repeatedly.  
"Well no I don't think the fish is for sale." Ardeth finally said after the long pause. When Amanda realized, after another couple of minutes, that she wouldn't be able to eat a Bubbles filet she threw herself at the damn sexy medja who was unprepared for the sudden attack because he was wondering how the ho could get her nostrils to get that big. The attack had pushed Ardeth to only a mere couple of inches from the cliff's edge. George rushed over to help, but was too late. Ardeth held the scratching whore an arms length away, but she was still trying to puch the sexy man over the cliff. With nostrils et again flared, Amandamade one last attempt to knock Ardeth over the cliff. The medjai was knocked off balance,but he quickly and sexily whipped around avoiding death. He tried to also grab the ho so she wouldn't fall either, but his long hand just missed her bony arm and the whore was never to be seen again.  
Ardeth, Bubbles, and George returned to Acorn's alley to let him know what had happened with the crack ho, but when they arrived Erin opened the door. Ardeth's mood perked up right away...along with something else... Erin let them inside. George glanced at Ardeth to see his reaction and he thought he could see the medjai drooling.  
"We have come to tell you of what has happened this night. I have slain the gutter ho."  
"Oh well what a strong, sexy man to rid the world of such horrors. I owe you a free one!" Erin told Ardeth.  
"A free what?" Ardeth asked still utterly sexy even in his uninformed state.  
"Nevermind. It was just a joke anyway, I guess. How about you and me for dinner? I'm sure that these two can manage for themselves."  
"Well if they dont mind, I'd be honored."  
"Its settled then. Just orderpizza George. Make sure you don't get anchovies for Bubbles, that happened once..." Ardeth and Erin went out to spend a lovely evening just talking(wink). Once finished with dinner the pair went out for ice cream and drinks. They returned rather late, or early depending on how you look at it and they found both George and Bubbles had retired to their rooms. Not wanting the night to be over they snuck into Erin's room so that the others wouldn't waken and they could still be together.  
  
Ardeth getting it on!!... still more to read 


	4. The Morning After

ok so this chapter is short, but the next one is almost done and i have so much more to type so come back soon!!! and review!  
  
When George awoke at dawn the next morning he wentdown the long hall to get waffles. While standing in the kitchen eating, he saw Erin's door open and Ardeth emerge- looking touseled- and quickly leaving with a giantic smile on his face. George went over to see make Ardeth tell him what had happened.  
"Have a nice night medjai?"  
"Of course!" Ardeth cheerfully replied.  
"And why is that?"  
"Well...umm...eight times..." George sputtered. Ardeth began to look uncomfortable. "Damn, comeon I told you, just like the old days. Now let me just be happy."  
"That's no fun. So tell me, did she laugh when she saw it?"  
"Hey i told you I got that fixed. The internet and its users can send you many useful e-mails. One saved my life."  
Just as George was about to invade deeper into Ardeth's mysteriously sexy life, the door to Bubbles room opened. The two men turned and stared stupidly at the stripper who was trying to quietly gather her props and leave. She turned and saw the two men staring.  
"Twenty buck boys, for the both of ya!" She said after looking them up and down. "Gotta take it kinda slow though, I'm a little sore from the fish."  
'Umm sorry today isn't good." George finally said to clear the stripper out as fast as possible so he could question Bubbles. George then reached over and closed Ardeth's mouth, which had been hanging open, and looked in at Bubbles. The fish was in his bowl sitting in an easy chair wearing a Hugh Hefner smoking jacket and smoking a pipe. He was looking rather pleased.  
"Good morning guys! How was your night?" Bubbles asked. George turned and walked away wndering how he could be the only one in the house not getting any.  
"Wow!" Ardeth said.  
"Yea," Bubbles continued to puff out pipe smoke," and ya know whe said the weirdest thing while we were... ya know"  
"No, I don't get it." Though Ardeth was extremely sexy he just was sheltered to life's pleasures.  
"Nevermind... Well she said that I needed to see Yogurt, that he could help me."  
"Who's Yogurt?"  
"I'm not sure." 


	5. The Story Actually Goes Somewhere

New Chapter!!! Enjoy  
  
Ardeth awoke and lazily stretched, and decided to stay in bed with Erin. He put some pillows behind him, laid back against the head board, and turned on one of the many Elvis cds in the hotel room. Ardeth's favorite song was Hound Dog because it reminded him of his home in the desert. The sexy naked Medjai began to recall what had happened the last couple of hectic days since arriving in Graceland- the home of the King of rock and roll, Elvis. Ardeth and Bubbles had asked George about Yogurt and they had gotten a lot of information they didn't want.  
Yogurt was a weee shiny gold man who lived deep in the King's basement in Graceland. Over the years Yogurt had come to believe that aliens had taken control of every government , that Nazis were hiding in the forests to eat small children, and that he was a Yoda-type character who was a master of the Swartz. Yogurt went so far to carry out this fantasy that he broke into a car dealership maintance area and painted himself in gold sparkly car paint, it was a very painful experience. Yogurt would also always walk on his knees so he could be short and he even started his own merchandise line. After hearing all George had to say Bubbles and Ardeth had gone to make arrangements to leave for Graceland. It took Ardeth forever to find a guy in Cairo who was selling tickets to Graceland and when he did the guy was a small trench coat-wearing man. Throught their transaction the squat little man kept coming on to Ardeth and giving him strange sexy looks only Erin had sent to him before. When three tickets had finally been purchased the sexy Medjai realized why the scalper had been so friendly, his fly was open. But that wasn't the worst part, Ardeth wasn't wearing any underwear. Earlier that day Erin had gone off wearing the sparkly purple pimp thong that Ardeth had finally gotten the courage to wear.  
(Now you may be asking how did this sexily sheltered Medjai, who doesn't know what porn is come to wear thongs and have intimate realtions with a woman? Well one day a couple years before this quest , Ardeth was on another quest to rid the earth of boring, bitchy substitute teachers and just as he disposed of another sub who had ruined the movie day of many bored history students, a god appeared at the end of the tunnel where he had just killed an old German Nazi sub with the name of Weinar. The Egyptian diety was Guy Pearce, the god of the bedroom and its magic. Ardeth thought it was strange that this god would come to see him.  
"Ardeth, why have you not served me? Why don't you follow my path for you?. You know I gave you a great pickup line the other day"  
"I don't know why you are talking to me. Why do you torment me so? What have I done to deserve your wrath?. and whats a pickup line?"  
"The only thing you have have done to anger me was your inability to follow my bidding. And I explained this to you- a pickup line is what you say to start a conversation with a girl. Any girl, she doesn't even have to be pretty. Just talk to a girl!"  
"Oh, I can't follow your bidding- I don't understand! And you're saying that all I have to do to get a girl's attention is to say. how You doin?. how will that work? It makes no sense. why do women like to hear that?" "Ardeth they wont care what you say, they just want that sexy body I gave you. Once you open up the conversation and confirm that you're not into men , it wont matter what you say."  
"Into men? I don't get it."  
"Dammit, why do all the sexy ones I create after me have to be so damn innocent?" Guy muttered until inspiration struck, "At least I have Antoine. Ok since you don't understand what I have said before, listen now. In two years time you will meet a woman who will make you want to use the name Shaq for a certain something. Stay with this woman and so what she asks- I know some of the role play will be weird and some may seem too kinky, but deal with it. Once you find this woman you will need this," Guy held up a purple glitter thong, "Wear this when you meet her- she has this thing for pimps I really don't know what that's about - not my doing."  
Ardeth took the skimpy material from the god and tried to figure out where it went.  
"It goes like this," Guy fixed Ardeth's new night wear so he could see which end was up. "One leg here, the other here and pull up, but not too far- damn those things hurt when they get stuck in your ass."  
And so this was how Ardeth came to own his sexy pimp thong and how he got to be with Erin. The only thing not explained is why Ardeth heeded the command of Guy the God of the bedroom and all pleaseures. Well right before vanishing in a puff of sexy mist the sexy God Guy told Ardeth that if he failed to do what was asked of him his internet success would permantly be reversed. Now Ardeth prided himself on ot being laughed at any longer by the guys in the washing tents. Since his improvement when he walked by without his towel he awed his other wash mates. So that wasn't really an option and Ardeth had wondered what it would be like with a woman. He didn't know about the role play though it sounded weird. But when the time came two years later and Ardeth gained use for the name Shaq, Ardeth followed Guy's bidding and now you know the rest of the story.)  
Well after Ardeth fixed his fly, he and Bubbles returned to the Baa- Bar, where they had been staying, they ran into Erin, literally.  
"Damn guys a little happy to see me?"  
'Of course, but I think that ticket scalper was happier to see Ardeth," Bubbles told Erin.  
"What?"  
"Nevermind" Ardeth said quickly so Bubbles wouldn't tell the whole story. "We have returned with the tickets to Graceland. Where is George?"  
"That's why I needed to find you, I was going to tell you that George cant come. He found something on the internet and he left rather quickly."  
  
"Oh he must have gotten my e-mail. That program saved my life-Thank the Gods I followed Guy's command. I don't know how I would have survived without Shaq." Erin gave Ardeth a speculative look, as she felt out of the loop. 


End file.
